I went downstairs to the vending machine to get some pretzels. The big, chunky kind that come in an oversized bag that make you think they’re a good deal for seventy-five cents, at least compared to the other junk food fare. <\/p>\n
I scrounged up $.75, dumped it into the machine, and selected A2; something whirred, coils turned, and my bag of pretzels stood hanging by its edges from the A2 row. <\/p>\n
I briefly considered trying to tilt the machine (even though it’s huge) but then remembered that its defense mechanism against such an attack is to have all of the food-display rows slide forward to the glass, which would mean that I wouldn’t get any pretzels at all. <\/p>\n
So, sighing, I reached into my pocket for another three quarters. Of course, all I had was a ten-dollar bill — and the change machine doesn’t accept anything larger than fives.<\/p>\n
I made a mad dash back upstairs (someone might get my<\/i> pretzels, after all!) and charged into Alex’s room, demanding that he, too, wanted some pretzels, that in fact he wanted them right now, and that conveniently I would be a really nice guy and get them for him. Luckily, he’s as big a sucker for pretzels as I am, and a nice guy, so he acquiesced. Too bad he had no change either, just a five.<\/p>\n
Back downstairs. Ran the five through the change machine and grabbed the score of quarters. 1-2-3 into the vending machine, A2, something whirred, coils turned, my bag of pretzels fell down gracefully, and his hung, suspended by its edges, from the A2 row.<\/p>\n
I actually started laughing out loud. At first, I considered cutting my losses, especially since my new patron wouldn’t appreciate it if I squandered more than the allotted amount of his money. But logic struck: n bags of pretzels for the price of n+1 becomes a reasonable deal as n gets large (but is pretty crappy when n is just 1). Alex wouldn’t mind, would he? Pretzels are good. So, armed with a fistful of quarters, and fully intending to eat delightful Synder’s of Hanover Old Tyme Pretzels all night long, I put the first three in and hit the magical buttons. <\/p>\n
The second bag, just hanging by a millimeter, fell down, and the third slipped forward, caught in the last moment by the coils…<\/p>\n
… and then, anti-climactically, slipped free and fell down as well. Triumph! Three for the price of three. Giggling, I sauntered upstairs (trust me, it’s hard to giggle and saunter at the same time, but I think I pulled it off), casually announced to Alex that I was feeling generous and had bought him two bags of pretzels with his money, and deposited the rest of the quarters into his hand.<\/p>\n
He called me a “whore” but deep down inside I know that he loves me :).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I went downstairs to the vending machine to get some pretzels. The big, chunky kind that come in an oversized bag that make you think they’re a good deal for seventy-five cents, at least compared to the other junk food … Continue reading