The Kindness of Strangers

I submitted a paper on Thursday. The submission was preceded by the usual weeks of pain. In addition to the standard statistical unlikelihood of my paper getting in to the top conference in my area, there’s also the added challenge of competing with twelve other papers submitted from Berkeley. So I basically have no chance. But at least it’s over with!

One scary moment was on Tuesday when I tripped over my laptop’s power cord and sent it (the laptop) crashing to the floor, while it was still on and open. That could have been a very ugly scene, but it survived with only a small blemish on the screen. Oh baby, I love my T40.

Since Thursday, I’ve been vegging out big-time. To make up for not having seen a movie in months, I saw three movies on Thursday and Friday; in chronological and quality order: Team America, Gigantic, The Incredibles. Team America‘s pacing was just too slow and the jokes were overused. Gigantic is a documentary about They Might Be Giants that I had picked up a while ago but never had the chance to watch. Of course, I’ve always been convinced of their subversive pop brilliance, but it was cool to see how many highbrow-types (like Ira Glass and David Eggers) loved them too. They’re also slowly and sneakily converting the mainstream, having written the theme music for Malcolm in the Middle, Austin Powers, and The Daily Show, among others. Yeah!

I remember one time when I was in college they came to play in the Quad. There was a big outdoor stage set up, and a large group of people had gathered to watch the show. We were waiting for the show to start, and when I was glancing around, I saw John Linnell (one of the two members of TMBG) standing in the crowd with everyone else, looking expectantly at the stage! Back then he was in his late thirties but still looked 23. No one had noticed him, and I (being the stupid fan I am) went up to him and asked him some foolish question. He seems to be a pretty shy guy, so I think he was a little disappointed that his cover was blown. Anyway, it was pretty cool that he could get away with it until then. Of course, shortly thereafter he snuck off to do the show.

The Incredibles was terrific. Aside from one huge cliche that the movie disappointingly uses instead of satirizes, the worst part is having to read all the idiotic reviews that say how “incredible” it is. Definitely go see it!

I had this thought about political snobbery the other day:

1. Liberal snobs think that they know better than conservatives.
2. Conservative snobs think that all liberals are liberal snobs.

It’s unfortunate, but it does lead to amusing rants like this one.

Did I ever mention my green shirt problem? I don’t remember. Basically, I have this problem: I like the color green slightly more than other colors. So you might expect that I have slightly more green clothes than clothes of other colors. Instead, I have far too many green shirts, since every time I go to buy something, the green option looks slightly better and I end up getting it. I only mention this because I recently got another green shirt. It’s kind of ridiculous. I obviously need to rely on a stochastic decision process instead of a deterministic one.

While I’m mentioning random stuff (haha), I’d like to promote the coin-flip method for figuring out what you want.

Say you have a decision to make between choice X and choice Y, and you just can’t figure out which one to pick. If you’re like me — bad at making decisions — this happens somewhat frequently, if you also have the sort of interesting life that requires making lots of decisions, which luckily — or unluckily — I don’t. Anyway.

Chances are, you do have a preference (say, Y), but you don’t consciously know it. You need some way to trick yourself into exposing your inner predilection. Here’s how to figure it out: take a coin and tell yourself that if you flip it and it lands heads then you’re going to pick X, and otherwise you’ll go Y. Ahhhh, so arbitrary, but then again you can’t decide on your own, right? Call your bluff: flip the coin. Here’s the kicker — when it lands, chances are that if it lands X, you’re going to feel unhappy. You’re going to try to make up an excuse to flip the coin again (“hmm, let me do best two of three instead…”) or something. That’s how you know you really want Y. If it lands Y, you’re going to feel relieved that random chance luckily sided with what you wanted anyway.

Okay, in reading over this description, it sounds like a totally preposterous idea — that flipping a coin could make up your mind — but it really works. Try it next time.

“The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you murder the hater, but you do not murder hate.” – MLK

I really should be working on this paper submission that’s due next week, but yesterday’s election basically crushed my soul. And now the soulless automaton formerly known as my body is having trouble concentrating.

There was a shroud on Berkeley this morning. After a week of glorious weather, the sky was deeply overcast, and people walked desolately in ones and twos, hardly talking. I’ve never seen the campus like that before. As I walked back through campus at noon, the air raid siren went off, as it does as a test at noon on the first Wednesday of each month. This time, the siren — ear-piercing, and audible for miles around — seemed prophetic. But the sun peeked out, and people slowly brought out their cell phones and smiles and subdued laughter… until a torrential squall drenched the area in the afternoon, as a reminder that it’s not so easy to move on.

I don’t mean to be melodramatic; to feel a city mourn is a powerful thing.

I’m bitter, it’s true. I was really ready to just rant here (that is, before the social police take that liberty away from me), but I don’t have the heart for it anymore. Also I think I am too clouded by emotion to say anything sensical.

Here’s something else. Berkeley and California had a bunch of propositions up for vote. I tried to inform myself about them, and we even convened a small meeting to discuss the issues surrounding each. But, even with a wealth of information on each side, deciding how to vote was really hard. There would always be a key bit of information missing, or the law would be a little too vague, or the arguments would be confusing (“Vote no because this proposition doesn’t go far enough…”), or the issue itself was just too complex: “Proposition 42: Burn down thirty hospitals serving orphaned children with Down Syndrome to fund a new environmental measure to protect 43% of state parks and to provide affordable health care for 100,000 migrant soybean farmers” or something. Ahh, how to decide?? Seriously, I thought deciding the issues would be easy once the facts were there, but I was wrong. I ended up abstaining on several measures. I couldn’t tell if that constituted shirking my civic duty, or if it was the responsible thing to do considering I felt unqualified to make a good decision.

More lyrics here…

Damn, I’m nervous about tomorrow.

I’m working pretty hard on this paper submission, but I did manage to do the Sunday NYTimes crossword puzzle unassisted this week! No doubt you crossword pros will scoff at this modest accomplishment, but as a novice, I’m celebrating every small victory :).

Speaking of random puzzles, I came across this one the other day. Count the number of people in this image, then wait till it moves, and count again.

Fun, huh? We were pretty stumped by it until stephentyrone took a look and busted out with the observation that it was just like an old trick counterfeiters used to employ to make more money…

So the Sox have been rolling, and if you’re a serious Sox fan, of course you’re terrified that they’re going to blow this 2-0 lead like the 2-0 lead they blew in 1986 (and then they even won the first two games on the road!). But of course this year is different. At least I hope so ;).

——

My parents immigrated to the U.S. from India. They’re obviously very proud of Indian culture (as am I), but they came quite a while ago, though (my dad in 1969, to Berkeley, actually, and he stayed in IHouse, my former residence!; my mom about five years later), so it’s been interesting to see what aspects of American life they’ve taken the most to.

There have been some standouts, like my dad’s obsession with the OJ trial, or my mom’s love of pop music — she can name way more of the songs on Top 40 radio today than I can. Two prominent ones of late:

My mom’s always been a sports fan, watching tennis, basketball, baseball, the Olympics, whatever. She’s been rooting for the Sox quite heavily in the last month, obviously (I’ve been brainwashing her well over the years :), even staying up past midnight as necessary to watch all the games, but I didn’t quite realize the extent of it until I called home yesterday shortly before the game was about to start. We were talking about Schilling, and I mentioned an AP article that had just come out about how the second round of sutures was much more painful than the first, and so Game 2 might be his last outing. I was pretty surprised to find out that she had already read the same article, even thought it went out over the wire only half an hour earlier! It warms my heart to imagine my mom surfing the web for Sox articles as obsessively as I do :).

On the flip side, my dad’s taken to the other great (well, greater) competition coming up, the presidential election. My parents have always been solid Democrats, but this year’s he’s taken it to another level, with a constant succession email forwards, both humorous and insightful, about the election. Sample joke he’s forwarded:
Q: What’s the different between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?
A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.
Haha… Or check out this funny Florida voting spoof. Anyway, it turns out that he’s considering going with a friend of his to Ohio to help promote increased voter turnout. Cool! It would be funny if he had to miss teaching class for that… although I bet his students would approve :).

What an incredible night — so amazing that I’m actually going update my journal again…. twice in one day! Here’s roughly what happened: I watched the game till the 7th inning, then drove to the Fillmore, listening on ESPN Radio. When I got there and went in, it was the 8th, and I called James up, and he graciously agreed to keep me up-to-date via frequent phone calls.

I was surprised to hear random shouts of “Go Boston!” and “Yankees suck!” from the crowd when I got there. So cool! Anyway, the opening band turned out to be a) quite good and b) from Boston. At one point the singer said, “We’re rooting for the Red Sox tonight. I wonder what the score is.” I was in the front row (of course) and shouted back, “Bottom of the 8th, 9-3 Sox!” The band was surprised, as was the rest of the audience, until I held up my cell phone. So then for the rest of their set they asked me periodically for score updates, which they relayed to the rest of the crowd, who cheered the Sox on. Also cool! After their set was finished, their bassist came back out to thank me. I was touched :).

Anyway, even though the Sox were up, I was still freaking out — you never know with the Yankees. I was on the phone with James during the set change when Embree got the last out… my god. What an unbelievable accomplishment — I only wish that I were back in Boston to experience it with everyone else. This is definitely the greatest sports year ever. (I think that when I mentioned that before, I forgot to note the lovely Pistons over Lakers saga in the NBA Finals.)

The series must have been so draining for the Sox that I’m afraid that they’re not going to do well in the World Series — but then again, it had much the same air as the UConn/Duke semifinal this year, and UConn went on to put on the most dominating display in the championship game that I’ve ever seen.

Okay, so, elated, I had about a minute to breathe before Martin Sexton came on. Somehow in my previous entry I didn’t talk about what an unbelievably tremendous live performer he is. It’s nearly impossible to describe. He used to have a drummer, but for the last couple of years he’s been touring solo. Between his awesome guitar playing (including being able to simultaneously play a melody while slapping out a bass line), powerful voice, gorgeous falsetto, whistling, beatboxing, impromptu raps (once about the Sox!) and scratches (he gets his strings to sound like a turntable), tapping on his guitar, scat singing, and somehow using his voice to imitate a host of instruments, he sounds like a full, funky band. And his shows are like revivals: he throws in liberal helpings of call-and-responses, and the crowd is worshipful and totally into it. The quiet songs bowl you over and the upbeat ones have you dancing.

I saw him last year and was a bit disappointed: his voice seemed ragged and tired, compared to the times I had seen him back in Boston. This time, though, he totally blew me away. It was the kind of concert where the lyrics suddenly make sense in ways you had never realized before; “In The Journey” literally brought tears to my eyes. Of course, being in the front row helped. And then for the encore he brought out a stool and sat down right in front of me — so close that when he was done he bent over and shook my hand — and played a last few numbers. Man, what a perfect way to end the night.

[ Oh yeah, did anyone see yesterday night’s Daily Show? If you did, you might have a guess as to why I loved it so much :). ]

Such a crazy day: first, participating in the collective joy of millions of Sox fans, and second, experiencing a personal joy at an amazing performance. Oh, I am so lucky to experience such wonders. Thank you.

… well, not really, but at least I’m trying to keep coming up with funky-ass shit like every single day, or so.

Anyway. So the Sox/Yankees series has been driving me nuts. Tonight it’ll all be decided. Wing put it very well: “seems like a victory on either side could be an answer to the question, ‘how else could it possibly have ended?'” A Sox meltdown would be utterly expected, as would the final victory of an amazing comeback. It’s weird.

I’ve realized that I’m just happy that they got this far. Forcing a Game 7 was certainly pushing miracle as late as Saturday night, as this is against the highest-paid team in baseball. Actually, permit me to rant: sports writers always mention the Yankees and the Sox as “the two highest paid teams in baseball” but that’s like saying “the iPod and the Rio Karma are the two best-selling music players”. The difference between the Yankees and the Red Sox — teams 1 and 2 — $60 million a year, is the difference between teams 2 and 16. It’s more than the entire payroll of each of the other 14 teams. To put it another way, it’s enough to bank five backup Curt Schillings in case the real one gets injured. Or, if we need more offensive firepower, 12 David Ortizes. This is like running a marathon, except that your opponent gets a nine-mile lead. Just hanging with the Yankees is tough, and the Sox have done it.

So, yeah, I’m really proud, no matter how it goes tonight. It feels good to be rooting for the underdog, the team that everyone who’s not a Yankees fan wants to win. A letter to Sports Guy summed it up:

name = Stephen Heidt
city = London, England
comment = Just so you know, EVERYONE is a Red Sox fan at this point in the year, except for those pathetically annoying Yankees fans. Bottom line, if your team is out (or resides in the NL), you’re rooting for the Red Sox. I’m not staying up to 5:30 in the morning (London time) because my beloved Braves are one game away from the World Series. I’m staying up till 5:30 because I want good to triumph over evil. I want all those arrogant Yankees fans to eat crow. I want to hear all the whining about how the calls aren’t going the Yanks way (after years of calls going their way). And I DEFINITELY want Steinbrenner to throw an absolute fit — I mean, throw chairs, break windows, fire people, etc. Red Sox nation needs to understand this — I’m not alone. There are MILLIONS of fans around the globe rooting for the Sox. I walk the streets of London and I see blue caps with the red B everywhere I go. This series is bigger than just New England. This IS the most exciting series in my life, if not all time.

Okay, enough about that. Here’s something funny: just recently, I finally stopped keeping all my music purchase receipts. For some reason, I have receipts for every CD I’ve bought online since 1999. The other day I just decided to stop altogether. In memoriam:

For reference, that Columbia House stack in the top left is more than 75 thick. Sheesh. I have no idea why I went through the tedious process of keeping them. (Actually, they may come in handy if I ever need proofs of purchase as part of the various CD-price-fixing settlements…) I finally figured that the actual CDs themselves were documentation enough :). Anyway, while I had my camera out, I took a picture of a slightly more rational collection I have, of concert tickets and ticket-sized paraphernalia I’ve gathered throughout the years:

Sometimes it’s fun to look through that pile and reminisce… or be reminded of how much I’ve contributed to the TicketMaster slush fund over the years…

Speaking of concerts, a couple more: R.E.M. last Friday at the Greek. I’m sure you know them; anyway, Turn You Inside-Out is a great tune. Tonight (during the end of the game!) I’m going to see Martin Sexton, an awesome singer/songwriter. Glory Bound is the first song of his I ever heard, and it’s a beauty. Real Man is a bit funkier.

I recently found out that Luna, one of my favorite bands, is finally calling it quits! Noooooo. So sad when that happens…

I’m still not sure what to make of the whole Jon Stewart/Crossfire thing. I love the Daily Show — it’s definitely hilarious, smart, and insightful — but this particular event is not so clear-cut. On the one hand, yeah it’s great that Jon’s calling the press out. On the other, despite his claims, he’s absolutely being hypocritical. He loves to hide under the “we’re just comedy” routine — and I thought the “You’re on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls” line was great — but to anyone who’s not totally deluded, it’s clear that the Daily Show definitely dishes out political commentary. Saying “we’re just comedy” doesn’t just make it so.

I saw the John Kerry interview on the Daily Show, and even to super-liberal, Kerry-supporting me, there’s no way you could argue that Stewart was being anywhere near as hard (or as funny) on him as he has been on more conservative guests. If the show really were just a comedy show, then Stewart would be an equal-opportunity insulter.

That’s not to say that I’m going to stop watching it or anything — it’s still the best news show and the best comedy show out there — but I wish Stewart would stop hiding behind such a lame excuse, and start listening to himself.

I decided to scrap that story, since on second read, it came across as pretty disjointed and sucky. Also it was only fun to write for the first half, when I didn’t know what was going to happen myself. But then as soon as I figured it out, writing became very tedious. You can practically feel the momentum take a nose-dive near the end. Eh… it’s good to remind myself every now and then why I shouldn’t become a writer :).

Went to a couple more shows this week. I realized that it must mean nothing to you when I just list names of artists I’ve seen. So I think from now on I’m going to try to give you a taste of what the music’s like, in the hope that you might find some of them appealing, too.

Thursday night was The Tragically Hip, at the ill-placed Fillmore. The Hip are incredibly popular in Canada but hardly known here (partly by their choice, I think). Anyway, they play kickass rock with literate and (often) obscure lyrics, and their live shows are highlighted by singer Gordon Downie’s insane ramblings and stage antics. Grace, Too is one of my all-time favorite live songs — it’s got a great beat and to hear and participate in the crowd singing along to every word (which, sadly, this live recording omits) is electrifying. At the Hundredth Meridian is a representative studio recording.

Saturday was Gillian Welch, also at the Fillmore. She and co-songwriter/singer/guitarist David Rawlings play what I can only describe as “Americana” (think O Brother Where Art Thou?): a mixture of beautiful ballads and primitive, almost sinister tunes. My First Lover is an example of this latter type of song. I Want To Sing That Rock and Roll gives a taste of their live harmonies.

As for other recent concerts, without explanation, here’s one of my favorite Pixies songs, River Euphrates, and a great tale by Richard Shindell, Fishing.

I haven’t been writing about it much, but I’m kind of going nuts about the Red Sox. This year’s team is definitely the most likable I can recall. My high school friends and I were recently discussing our favorite sports teams, and I think my top five are:

1. UConn basketball
2. Boston Red Sox
3. English national team (soccer)
4. Newcastle United
5. Sacramento Kings

Given UConn’s sweep in the spring, even if the the Red Sox just make it to the World Series, this would be my greatest sports year ever. Now, if only that would somehow help me with research…

I was thinking the other day about why so many Hollywood celebrities are liberal. An intuitive classification I had thought about earlier seemed to supply an answer.

One way to classify fiscal conservatives and liberals is to say that the former value efficiency/productivity above everything else (and thus any policies that encourage deadweight loss — like taxes or a minimum wage — are bad), and the latter feel that there there are metrics other than efficiency, like median standard of living, that are better indicators of a country’s success.

Another, more intuitive way to look at it is that conservatives feel like they’ve earned all the money they’ve accumulated, and so any government meddling in their money is akin to stealing, while liberals feel like they’ve been lucky to be given the resources and opportunities they’ve had that led them to make this money, and so taxes, etc. are a way to even the playing field — to pass the luck on, so to speak, to people who haven’t been born with or into it.

(For the record, to me there’s no question that I’ve been incredibly lucky to be where I am today.)

I was talking about this with Manu last night, and we feel that in either classification, both sides are quite defensible, given differing but reasonable sets of axioms. It seems that civil conservatism is much harder to defend.

Anyway, I think many Hollywood actors feel quite lucky to have become so successful — I think there are many more capable (and attractive) people than there are superstars, and perhaps this is what leads actors to feel a kind of obligation to society for allowing them to become as successful as they have. No doubt this is a gross simplification, but it sounds vaguely plausible :).

I was nervous about the debate. I almost didn’t watch it. In the end, of course, I’m glad I did: I was surprised and impressed by Kerry’s clarity. Bushie was his usual incoherent, rambling self. Depressingly, while the polls overwhelmingly indicate that people feel Kerry trounced Bush in the debate, the numbers show that Bush is still quite likely to win. God, I never thought I’d look fondly on the two-term presidential limit law. Thank goodness for that, if it comes down to this…

I’ve been working pretty hard recently, and it feels good. One diversion I have is the massive pile of magazines that accumulated over the summer while I was gone. I’m chipping away at it; about two-thirds remain:

So every morning or so I’ll grab a new magazine and read it. It’s put me way behind in my “real” reading schedule, but it’s been fun. And besides I get to read depressing articles about super cute kids like this one:

It’s birthday season again: three birthday occasions this week alone. I haven’t been this busy feting since early spring… of course, there are other reasons for that, I guess. It’s amazing how quickly you can get back into the swing of things when you try.

The concerts continue, too: The Pixies at the Greek and then Richard Shindell and Robbie Schaefer at the Freight. Richard did a cover of the great Paul Simon tune “America”. This is like the fourth time this year that an artist I really like has covered Paul Simon. It makes me feel proud :).

A random thought occurred to me the other day. Some facts: 1. There is a gender difference in pay. 2. There is a height difference in pay; taller people get paid, on average, $800 more per inch per year. 3. Women are, on average, five inches shorter than men.

1+2+3 = Some of the gender difference in pay (erm, about $4000/yr, which is nearly 15% of the $28,000 national average income) may be attributable simply to height differences. That’s not to say, of course, that heightism is any less deplorable than sexism. It’s also not to say that sexism is not a problem in America. In fact, many studies have shown that, all other things equal, women are less likely to be promoted than men. Here are some good links to check out: link 1 | link 2

Okay, rather than exploring that topic further, I’m going to allow myself to go on a mini-rant about -isms in America. It’s human nature to deny or ignore a problem until it becomes your problem. A very white college friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, famously declared one night that “racism isn’t a problem in American anymore”. I admit that I wanted to throttle his cracker ass :).

Aside: I remember quite clearly being called a “camel jockey” and other derogatory terms by some geographically-challenged classmates in early elementary school — and people of my ethnicity haven’t even been subject to WWII detainment camps, lynchings, deportations, guilt-by-association, “separate-but-equal-but-not-really” opportunities, ridiculous immigration laws (well, maybe), near-slavery working on trans-continental railroads, or godawful actual slavery. These insults were just a result of people afraid of my different appearance. Imagine combining that with an actual superiority complex gained by your country’s history of screwing over of any number of minorities…

Anyway, so racism is alive and well, as illustrated by this ingenious study that I’ve mentioned before.

We perform a field experiment to measure racial discrimination in the labor market. We respond with fictitious resumes to help-wanted ads in Boston and Chicago newspapers. To manipulate perception of race, each resume is randomly assigned either a very African American sounding name or a very White sounding name. The results show significant discrimination against African-American names: White names receive 50 percent more callbacks for interviews.

So here’s my worry: if people are in denial about racism (yeah, I’m only giving one anecdotal example, but who’s going to admit that he’s racist in a poll?), which is still so obviously woven into the fabric of societal interaction in this country that over a quarter of Alabama citizens still oppose interracial marriage, what about more subversive prejudices?

That is, racism is terrible, but at least there is the intuitive argument that differences really are only skin deep. This is something, I think, that people can mull over and come to terms with. Religionism is harder to argue against, and is quite pervasive, as this article illustrates:

A Gallup poll in 1999 asked American voters the following question: “If your party nominated a generally well-qualified person for president who happened to be an X would you vote for that person?” X took on the following values: Catholic, Jew, Baptist, Mormon, black, homosexual, woman, atheist. Six out of the eight categories secured better than 90 percent approval. But only 59 percent would vote for a homosexual, and just 49 percent would vote for an atheist. Bear in mind that there are 29 million Americans who describe themselves as nonreligious, secular, atheist, or agnostic.

Convincing someone that morality is not determined by religion (even though, of course, Scandinavia is totally secular and apparently moral as well, and absolutely loved by most Americans) requires a much more subtle argument than one against racism.

Even worse is sexism. We grow up joking about and experiencing differences in the sexes: in physical characteristics, in thought and in desire. Biologically and socially, we feel a natural difference (at least when it comes to attempting to reproduce :). Of course, from there it’s just a short step to (incorrectly) assuming that there are differences in other abilities as well. The fact that we know and feel that men and women are different in several ways — ways in which they really are incontrovertibly different — makes us much more susceptible to sexism via extrapolation. To show an equivalent difference requires a lot of bogus science and propaganda for racism and church- (or whatever-) induced fear for religionism. That’s why sexism is so subversive and scary (and widespread): in our society, it’s practically built into us.

And if you think it’s bad in this country, it’s far, far worse in many other parts of the world. And not even just in repressive regimes — my time in International House made it clear that guys from all over the world, from Italy to India, hold some absolutely ridiculous, indefensible views about women. And so openly, too, that I get the feeling that these views are perfectly acceptable in their hometowns.

I have no point in all of this, as usual. It’s just frightening how sneaky prejudices can be. My feeling about sexism is that by its nature, it’s not something that’s just going to go away; it needs to be actively challenged.

My one optimistic thought is that America has historically tended towards greater equality and personal freedom (insane current Presidents aside); it’s already quite good in that respect, and in the future it’s just going to get better.

[Update: Jon Stewart interview on Fresh Air]